Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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