I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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