i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
