should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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