if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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