the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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