so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
