did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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