Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
