drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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