Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Someone signed my nipple.
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