at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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