i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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