is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
