Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
