I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
