I accidentally had phone sex last night
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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