DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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