How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
