yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
