Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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