she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
