So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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