for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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