soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
