If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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