Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
