Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
