4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
