You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
