Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
