Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
