A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
