I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
