I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
