The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
