Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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