he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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