is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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