thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
