Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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