At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
