I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize