Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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