this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
