Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
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the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
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Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize