Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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