What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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