shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
