I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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