Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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