dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
