can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
