my sisters under your porch take her home
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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