she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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