so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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