So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
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It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
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I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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