My room smells like vodka and shame
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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