it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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