Have you finally orgasmed yet?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
