You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she peed on how many people?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Couch. On fire.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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