Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
