I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
