im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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