vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
