This dress was meant to end up on your floor
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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