I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
