I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
