she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
