all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
