Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
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