Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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