IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
