i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
