It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
