cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
