Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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