Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
