What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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