after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
