sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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