i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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