How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
