Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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