I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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