all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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